Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
