Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
