I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
