The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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