I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We left the knife in your bed.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
