If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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