Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
