There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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