I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
not ubering you a puppy
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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