just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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