he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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