I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
