hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Holy shit dude........stairs
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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