I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
