Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
