pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
