will power is for people who don't want to get laid
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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