My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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