Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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