you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
