also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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