remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
