thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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