she looked like the bat from fern gully.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
