So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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