I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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