Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I think your dad took our porno
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
