You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
