you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
