some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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