Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
