Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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