You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
