I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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