I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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