PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize