I just threw up on my dentist
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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