i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
