so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just threw up on my dentist
Fuck appropriateness.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
