Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
