There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
