it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
