Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
