he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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