Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
