grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
that is very illegal...i love you.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
