i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Let's paint friendship bongs
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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