If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
