Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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