Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
