My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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