I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
