i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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