She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
