Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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