It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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