call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
