Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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