you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
