Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
