she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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