butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
