if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
