I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
