I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
