4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
